THE ART OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Emotions can get you in a mess, make you look weird, weak and worn out— yet it remains a very beautiful thing when you learn how to be emotionally smart. 

My last post - "MEN ARE FAKE — LADIES ARE REAL"

was aimed at raising awareness about the effect of mismanaged emotions especially among the male folks, who suffer from shame because the society had sold a lie about how weak it is to be emotional. 

Having generated the kind of response I desired, I realised that it would not suffice to just say that some group of people are not great at expressing emotions. Take for instance my premise was that men do poorly with handling emotions — I had facts from America and Nigeria to support my assertion but it is possible that in some other society, men do better at expressing emotions. I have to conceed that it would be more balanced and apt to say that men and women alike, mismanage emotions as bad as the other i.e. some women outrightly find it difficult to show any emotion, while some men do very well. 

It was also not my intention to teach that people go about getting upset, letting emotions fly everywhere without control. Far from it.

On the basis of this, it is important that we consider what it means to live an emotionally smart and healthy life — this is popularly known as Emotional Intelligence (EI).

Daniel Goleman, in his widely read book Emotional Intelligence, asserted that people who display emotional intelligence usually do better in life than people who scored high in IQ tests. Reporting the case of one Jason Innocent whom a judge found to be temporarily insane after stabbing his High School physics teacher. The story was that,  Jason an intelligent student whose obsession was to attend Harvard Medical School got upset with his physics teacher for scoring him 80 on a quiz. "Believing the grade— a mere B put his dream in jeopardy, Jason took a butcher knife to school and in a confrontation with his teacher in the physics lab, stabbed him in the collarbone before being subdued in a struggle. Although Jason graduated top of his class, with perfect grades, the question was how could someone of such obvious intelligence do something so irrational — so downright dumb?" The answer Goleman concluded is "Academic intelligence has little to do with emotional life."

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT?

Karla Jennings of Lifehack, defines

Emotional intelligence as "the ability to recognize your emotions, understand what they’re telling you, and realize how they affect the people around you." She added that "People who function at a high rate of emotional intelligence have the ability to adjust their behaviors and are more effective at recognizing and managing their own emotions as well as the emotions of others."  

SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

SELF AWARENESS

Of course you know what self awareness means. It means to be aware of yourself (lol). It is a state of knowing who you are,  knowing what your feelings are and how to handle the feelings or emotion. Self awareness is a conscious effort of being able to define yourself and also describe how you feel. You may want to give it a quick try by attempting this task.

Who are you?

What do you want?

Why do you want it?

Describe how you feel right now?

I hope you found it easy, if you didn't, then you may want to pay attention to yourself.

EMPATHY

many of us must have said to a friend in pain, "I know how you feel" Did you know for real or it was just a cliché?  Empathy is the state of being able to know and understand how others feel. 

When you empathize with people, you earn their respect, loyalty and support. It is a very good skill to possess especially if you are in leadership, marketing and human relations sector.

RELATIONSHIP MANAGER

These things are so predictable, aren't they? What else would be the end of a person who knows himself and understand others if not that such person becomes a master in the art of relationship. Little wonder why research has shown that  Emotional Intelligence is undeniably better predictor than most of the hiring methods commonly used in companies, such as letter of references, cover letter, among others. For instance, employees high on EI would be more aware of their own emotions and from others, which in turn, could lead companies to better profits.

THE GOOD NEWS

Unlike Intelligence Quotient (IQ), which is permanent and cannot be improved on— emotional intelligence can be learnt, cultivated and cultured. All you need to do is become aware of your lack or limitation of emotional intelligence, begin to learn until you move from conscious inability to unconscious ability.

Have an emotionally stress free week.

CREDITS
Image: http://happyrelationshipguide.com/emotional-intelligence-critical-for-success-in-all-relationships
Other Materials:
Daniel Goleman- "Emotional Intelligence" Bantam Books, 1995.
Karla Jennings: "Six ways to raise your emotional intelligence." www.Lifehack.org